How American are you?

What is your current accent status?

Aussies think you’re American.

True blue, mate. You have to repeat yourself multiple times for Americans to understand you and your fantastically authentic Australian vowel sounds.

Americans think you’re American.

Nicole Kidman. You have a little of both Aussie and American accents, and can lean into either accent as needed.

Have you driven in America?

You’ve got your license, but you live in New York i.e. maybe you drove once upstate or similar.

You can drive on either side of the road with ease. You’ve encountered a deer or bear and everyone was okay (I’m saving my bear story for another time).

If they ever decide to drive on the other side of the road, you’ll consider it.

Once, on an international driver’s permit. Never again.

What is your current coffee drinking status?

You’ve crossed over to drinking drip coffee as you realized it means it’s socially acceptable to drink coffee constantly all morning (or all day!)

Cappuccinos or lattes only, from your local excellent barista who you would be totally lost without.

Venti Brown Sugar Oat Milk Shaken Espresso.

You’ll drink American coffee (i.e. drip coffee) when there’s no other option (on planes, gas stations etc.)

How do you greet people?

“Hi, how are you going?”

“Hi, how are you doing?”

“G’day, how ya goin’?”

“Whatssup?”

How do you dry your clothes?

Everything, always, gets tossed in the drier.

Everything, always, gets hung on a line or air drier.

You have your clothes that go through the drier, and your clothes that don’t.

It’s not a question you have to answer as everything gets dropped off at the laundromat.

Count how many of these foods are in your pantry: Mac & cheese, Fruit snacks, Cheerios, Canned pumpkin (leftover from Thanksgiving!), Coffee creamer, Maple syrup, Iced tea, Grape jelly, Old Bay seasoning, Cool Whip

0

All of them

1-4

5-9

When you go back to Australia, what happens?

You miss your American home (and when you’re in the US, you miss your Aussie home!)

You initially forget that you go up to the counter to pay the bill in a restaurant, but then you’re right back home.

You’ve said something like “In New York, I could do [some convenience] at [some time that is not Monday - Friday 9 - 5]” more than once (and your family may never let you forget it!)

You get in the front seat of the taxi from the airport, like you never left.

In Sports, what teams do you barrack for?

You have your rugby / AFL / cricket / netball allegiances only, and will get up at whatever time is required to watch their games.

In the Olympics, you go for Australia, but if there are no Aussies in the game, you go for USA, USA, USA!

You have your football team (i.e. NFL), your baseball team, your basketball team, your fantasy leagues, and March Madness means something to you beyond fun alliteration.

You wear your Yankees hat on a regular basis and go to a baseball game whenever you have visitors in town.

Do you watch the Superbowl?

Only if I get invited to a Superbowl party.

Always.

Pretty much every year, if only for the ads.

Never.

How would you describe your experience with the American medical system? (which is no joking matter, but if you need encouragement to get / understand your medical insurance, consider this your reminder!)

You got insurance with your job and so far it seems fine, but you couldn’t say what a deductible is, or explain the bills that arrive in the mail.

You have insurance, but you’ve experienced a pharmacist try to charge you the full, exorbitant cost for a medication, either by accident or for some reason your insurance isn’t working at that particular store (if this happens, my non-professional advice is to try at a different store, ordering via an online pharmacy or get in touch with your doctor for what they think should be the cost of the medication, and they may possibly be able to request a cheaper, generic brand).

You’ve learned to ask if every single procedure in every single appointment is covered by your insurance. You make sure that any blood work is done by a lab covered by your insurance. You’ve been forced into paying for something at some point because inexplicably the doctor you need to see just doesn’t accept any insurance. You discovered that many Americans who’ve lived here their whole lives also don’t understand the system, and hope that universal health care becomes a reality in your lifetime, or your children’s lifetimes.

You’ve heard it’s terrible but haven’t been here long enough to need a doctor yet.

Josh Pugh

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